Bride of the Gorilla (1951) *spoilers*

I think it is funny when the tabloids have headlines like "I Married Bigfoot" or "My Husband is a Vampire". So when I saw the title Bride of the Gorilla, I got real excited. It's my third day of creatures and I'm promised a guy in a gorilla suit, this good stuff. Even Lon Chaney Jr (The Wolfman), Raymond Burr, and Barbara Payton are starring to make this an excellent experience. What is the worst that can happen with all these factors?

Raymond Burr plays Barney Chavez, a plantation foreman who is in love with is boss's attractive wife Dina (Barbara Payton). There was an altercation and Barney shoved his boss. A snake happened to be in the area and it killed his boss. Barney is a real swell guy if you couldn't tell. A house maid (damn gypsy voodoo witch) saw what Barney did and put a curse on Barney. Every night he will see himself as a monster and roam the jungle.

Commissioner Taro (Lon Chaney Jr.) accuses Barney of the crime but he has no evidence to support his claims. Witchy woman also backs up the story that Barney was with Dina all night (cause magical revenge is better than conventional justice). Barney being off the hook, he marries Dina almost immediately. Things seem to be going pretty good. Barney has a hot wife, he got off for murder, he gets a large plantation, and he has a curse. You know, the best of everything.

I love your Madonna boobs

Later that night, after the wedding, Barney tells Dina that he needs to wander into the jungle. Dina says that is madness because it's the Amazon and everything will kill you. Barney wanders off into the jungle anyway and possibly catch malaria. Over the next couple nights, people witness a monster that kills livestock and walks like a man. Taro goes on investigations talking to witness and seeing the remains of carrion. Taro logically agrees with the uneducated superstitious locals that it is a forest demon. Case Closed. The commissioner claims it has come for Barney to punish him.

Is that a nickel behind your ear?

 Barney wanders back to his home each morning with dirty torn clothes. Dina tells him not to go back to the jungle and that they should run away from this place. Barney agrees, but the jungle keeps calling him. He can feel the animal further take him over. Gloria Estefan was right, eventually the rhythm is gonna get you.

Damn, I need to shave

As Barney wanders off into the jungle...again. Dina chases after him with a gun to see what is going on. Taro comes to their home and find this magical curse plant witch woman has used against Barney. It seems as though Barney isn't transforming into a gorilla, he is just poisoned thinking he is. Taro wanders off into the jungle to find Barney and Dina (mind you there is 5 minutes left in the movie and I have yet to see a clear shot of the ape). The gorilla has been stalking Dina and finally confronts her. Dina faints and the gorilla picks her up and takes her further into the jungle (you'll see the gorilla, but it is in a far away shot...in the jungle...at night...good luck enjoying what it looks like). Taro finds the gorilla (which is in a tree and you can't see it) and he fires wildly into the tree. He shoots Barney, who falls with Dina. Barney has enough strength to look at his reflection in a pond and sees the gorilla, but as he dies; the reflections becomes a man again. Scene.

Promo picture. Never in the movie.

This movie is disappointing and I hope the rest of my movies give me what I want; more monster screen time. Seriously,  it's called bride of the GORILLA and he never shows up. I'm not even sad, I'm just disappointed. I feel like every 10 year old who snuck into the movies to see this in the 50's. The only redeeming parts are when Lon Chaney Jr is narrating about the jungle taking what it wants. That's it. Nothing else. The acting is poor. Barbara Payton looks like the biggest slut bag willing to sleep with anyone. Raymond Burr is lifeless. A scarecrow would've been more convincing. Don't waste your time. I'd rather watch The Horrors of Spider Island again. This movie gets one gorilla suit of ten. There are better horror movies to watch.